Transforming Trash into Art on Earth Day - Meaningful Fun for the Family
Our kids creating Earth Day recycled art.
Another year, another Earth Day. As I wrote in a recent article in Yes! Magazine, we can’t just turn on caring one day out of each year; it’s critical that we find ways to help each other stay consistently committed to taking care of our earth. Even small efforts count.
There is tremendous power in where we place our collective attention. The more that we share what we do, the more it will ripple through our communities. We humans are influenced by our peers. Think of it as peer pressure for good.
So, in that spirit…
This Earth Day, I organized with another mom for our families to clean-up a beach in the Richmond Marina (Calif). I’d noticed a lot of plastic and litter along the shore when I was staying in that area recently. We picked up quite a lot of plastic bits and pieces, including: bottle caps, candy wrappers, plastic film, styrofoam, straws, dog collars, you name it.
We separated some of the trash for art-making — there was much more!
While collecting litter, I thought about a recent article in the New York Times re: how micro plastics are ubiquitous, and have infiltrated our bodies and are affecting us in ways we don’t yet understand. When you see so much plastic waste (of which I saw a teeny amount really), you start to question why? WHY do we use so much wasteful single-use plastic? But, seriously, you use an item one time…like shampoo or bubbles or a take out box…and then it inhabits space on earth for hundreds of years….Often finding its way into our beautiful oceans.
What if we minimize such usage when we can? Buy glass instead of plastic when we can, or refill in bulk, use metal straws, or make homemade products (like laundry detergent or fabric cleaner)? Those are also fun science projects to do with your kids.
Next, both kids and grown ups created eco-art using our found materials, and paint and glue on repurposed wood boards. It was a deeply satisfying, fun way to cross-generationally come together, and connect with / steward our ailing more-than-human-world. Anyone can do this, anytime, anywhere. It feels good, and it’s meaningful work. I think we’ll do it again next year… and invite more people! (But, in the meantime…there is plenty more to do).
My daughter called this art piece “The Garbage Exposal.” Brilliance in that (not just ‘cos I’m a parent!), as it plays off the words “expose,” “disposal,” and “expos(AY)”
She called this one: “Anything That’s Garbage Can Always Be Made Into Art.” True enough!
Here I am with artist Patricia “Trix” Adler.
Earth Day “resolutions” are 100% worth it
Quick note: Since 2019, I’ve been focusing my writing and clinical work on the intersection of climate change and mental health. I plan to write more here about this topic, so please stay tuned.
So….I had grand plans to write a blog post for Earth Day, but of course, that didn’t happen. I’ve since realized that a belated focus on Earth Day is actually a good thing. We can’t solve all of these issues with one hyper-focused, action-packed day (duh). The answer is to keep tuning in to the climate and environmental emergencies, and find ways to stay engaged for the long-haul. So, best to keep talking about these matters all year long. Repeat. (I swear, I’m not just rationalizing my procrastination)!
I would like to share one simple idea with you — one that you might already be doing without realizing it. For the past few years, Earth Day has been my excuse to reflect upon how our family is in alignment — or out of alignment — with our ecological values. Just like with New Year’s Resolutions, I come up with and write down Earth Day Resolutions. Then I go over them with my family to make sure we’re all on the same page. I explain my thinking, and discuss questions and concerns with my kids and partner. I’m open to hearing their resolutions as well.
The key is to think practically about something that you know you could do better at, and wouldn’t even be that difficult to do. So, for example, last year I was focused on making sure I didn’t forget my reusable shopping bags for the grocery store. I now leave them in the trunk of my car. I also began planning errands and schedules more strategically to reduce time spent in the car/ number of trips. We bought an electric bike as well (costly, but efficient).
This year, I’m now stuffing reusable fruit and vegetable bags into those grocery bags (next level)! I’ve also discussed with my family that I would like to reduce our weekly seafood consumption, and would like to acknowledge any seafood that we eat. (I’m what they call pescatarian by the way). I realize that it’s easy to take these animals’ lives for granted, and important to take a pause to acknowledge this each and every time (go, mindful eating). Also, there is a local shop that sells bulk household supplies to help reduce plastic waste. You just show up with a large mason jar or two. I plan to go there for our liquid hand soap and dish soap.
My point here, is that small actions count for something —and they feel productive, in alignment with my values, and like something I can actually control. Guess what? When you live according to your values, and make meaningful choices, it supports your mental health. (Something we can all use right now)!
I hear a lot about how consumer actions aren’t going to solve the crisis we are in—we need systemic change—and of course, I know that’s true. But we shouldn’t discount them either. If we live in ignorance or hypocrisy or on auto-pilot, then we keep adding to the problem. And I say that with the caveat that we don’t need to be perfect, only to make an effort.
We all need to be wary of black-and-white thinking that veers towards naive optimism or extreme doomerism. There is a middle path too, and if we all try to walk it, we will see something different on the path ahead.
So, even though it’s not Earth Day, I will keep writing and pinning up my resolutions on our bulletin board. As the cliches go: it’s never too late to start, and it’s better late than never.
Earth Day, remember, is every day.
As the Clock Ticks Down on 2020, Let's Ask for Help and Offer Help
It all begins with an idea.
54 Million people in America are facing food insecurity during the pandemic. Lines and waits at food banks have grown to epic proportions. More and more of our fellow citizens are asking for help amidst financial strain, unemployment (or under-employment), and illness. This is the time to challenge our age-old American credo that we should lift ourselves up by the bootstraps. It should always be okay to ask for help, which shows strength, not weakness. In different ways, at different times in our lives, we all need help at some point.
Our culture is plagued by a “bootstraps” mentality. Many Americans believe that people should only ask for help as a last resort. Americans seeking support through social welfare programs are often labeled as “lazy” or “taking advantage” of the system. This is the cold messaging of an individualistic culture. As Ibram X. Kendi might agree, these labels are racist rhetoric, because they fail to recognize the systemic issues that undercut opportunities for all people.
At an early age, many kids internalize the message that it is safer to “suck it up” and feel ashamed to ask for help—be it social, financial, emotional, educational, or other. Our culture is full of wounded survivors of past and present traumas. Unfortunately, the cycle, unchecked, continues.
During the pandemic, there is an opportunity to reckon with privilege, values, and our own basic humanity. Do we have a moral obligation to help when others are suffering? When we help others, do we become better versions of ourselves? When others are struggling with basic needs (e.g. food, shelter), can we justify extravagance in our lifestyles? If capitalism, in its current state, breeds gross inequities, (which we know to be true), how can we address this systemically…like, NOW?
Quarantined at home in the last days of a year most would prefer to erase from memory, and physically separated from one another, we owe it to each other to think more deeply about matters of life, death, and human dignity. Without as much social distraction and running around, the pandemic has laid bare the tragedies of our current system.
We can heal the scars of a dark regime by growing an abundance of compassion, heeding instinctive concerns for others and finding a well of strength in our communities. It is time for alternative messaging: that it is ok to struggle, that people do care about other people (i.e. what many of us tell our kids), that there is hope and light in the world, and that most of us would extend a hand to a suffering human.
As a new presidency dawns, let’s all take a breath, reconnect with our values, our moral compasses, and envision a brighter, more compassionate, and sustainable world—one that we all deserve. Let’s do it for each other, together. Let’s do it for our children, and our living planet. After all, caring about others and ourselves is essentially one and the same; our destinies are intertwined.
Month 5 of the COVID-Marathon: Yes, we can!
It all begins with an idea.
We are now around 5 months of shelter-in-place (at least in the Bay Area).
We are not even beginning to return to the “normal” that some people were hoping for. We are cracking open something new within our global community, as well as at home, and we have yet to see what it will be. No one, regardless of what they might claim, is untouched by our current circumstances. COVID-19 has thrown a wrench into our daily routines, our economies, our jobs, our school systems, our family configurations, our parenting, our mental health, our social interactions, and —in our country— it has highlighted issues of social disparities, systemic racism, and the tragic failings of our healthcare system. As if this isn’t hard enough, rather than hear uplifting, comforting words, our president alternates between ignoring and weaponizing a public health crisis for his advantage — and everybody else’s detriment.
We are all in a state of collective grief, although at different stages. For more on the stages of grief, please read this article.
Many of us are experiencing high levels of stress due to uncertainty about so many life factors and concerns about basic safety and survival. Living in such a heightened state is not sustainable; it requires an intentional compassionate response to help soothe our nervous systems, so that stress doesn’t accumulate, worsen or result in medical issues.
Of course, there are many other mental health concerns, including a rise in depression and anxiety in the general public, and even higher levels of anxiety for parents (including expecting and new moms). This significant rise in parental stress will inevitably impact children’s mental health as well. Our frontline workers are at high risk for burnout and secondary trauma. Suicides and drug overdoses have surged. Older adults, and others living alone, are at risk of feeling isolated and depressed due to lack of social contact. And during times of crisis, there are often increased cases of child abuse, neglect, and intimate partner violence.
I say all of this not to add to anybody’s woes, but to hold compassion for what are universal tragedies—even if the experiences differ from household to household. It is not an easy time.
Building up our resilience and prepping for this marathon is our best option right now. How we appraise the situation (e.g. “We can do this” versus “There is no hope”) and find meaning despite it all can make a big difference.
The good news? There are some things that we can all do to help ourselves get through this.
Practice compassion — for yourself and others. This is the time to lower expectations, to be forgiving, and give yourself (and others) space to rest and heal. Especially those who are essential and frontline workers. For more on compassion, go here.
Seek refuge in nature or get some fresh air outside. (Of course, be safe and wear a mask). Even therapists are meeting with clients and taking socially-distant therapy walks. There is evidence that supports forest bathing, which is prescribed in Japan as preventative medicine for its physiological and psychological benefits. This is free to anybody, anytime, and anywhere—whether an urban garden or park or a national park.
Yes, mindfulness is a buzzword, but there is no time like the present. Our lives and minds can feel like they are going a thousand miles a minute, so slowing down and checking in with our inner selves is essential. How can we know where we are going next or what we should do if we have no idea about how we are feeling? Feeling anchored at this time helps to encounter the uncertainty. There are so many ways to be mindful: meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, mindful walking, mindful eating, deep breathing to calm our nervous systems, playing with a pet, smelling scents. For more ideas, check out this article.
Establish a daily/ weekly self-care routine…and stick to it! Early on in the pandemic, I read that Marie Kondo starts out each morning by burning incense or walking in her garden. What is your version of this? Some other ideas: stretching, exercising, drinking a cup of tea, reading, walking, journaling, listening to music?
Interface with art and creativity. It would be remiss of me not to mention this as an art therapist! Try this challenge: put out some art materials and—without any agenda—start painting or drawing or sculpting or glueing. No thinking, just doing! See how you feel afterwards. Other options include: dancing, playing an instrument, knitting, sewing, mosaic-making, writing, photography, etc.
Connect to others, but find your sweet spot. This will likely change from day to day and week to week. The idea is to recharge not to fizzle out from video fatigue. If you are feel the need to speak with someone immediately, but you’re not sure whom to contact, call your local crisis line or SAMHSA’s national hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
No, this is not an easy time. However, there are small things we can do to make a difference both in our lives and in others’ lives. When we show kindness, others take notice, and we feel better. And kindness ripples. By taking care of ourselves, we take care of each other…and we can help one another get through this.
Eco-Anxiety is Affecting Our Kids
It all begins with an idea.
Recent news articles have revealed how climate anxiety is on the rise —even among our children.
Part of the reason for this, is how the topic is covered in both social media and the mainstream media: with graphic images, impulsive rants, clickbait headlines. But other people’s anxiety also fan the flames: be it at school, work, at home, or in the community. While it is important for young people to understand what is happening, and to build community and find ways to become active, it is also our job as adults to help them maintain hope about the future. It is important for parents to find ways to manage their own eco-anxiety, and shield children from their own existential angst. Discussions with kids should be framed in age-appropriate terms.
I recently joined a referral list under-construction by Climate Psychology Alliance North America (www.climatepsychology.us) and The Climate Psychiatry Alliance (www.climatepsychiatry.org). Along with many other mental health providers, I pledge to be a climate-aware provider. In the coming months, I will be posting more about this topic, along with related links to helpful resources and organizations. As troubling as climate change is, and how our government remains stalled out in dealing with it, what is happening on local, grassroots, and international levels is inspiring. As Greta Thunberg put it: “The world is waking up. And change is coming.”
How to Get a Grip on Your Self-Esteem
My clients come to therapy for many different reasons: they may be unhappy with their careers, lack of perceived success, they may be struggling in relationships, feel overwhelmed by sadness or anxiety, have difficulty expressing themselves or showing up authentically in front of others. Many of my clients believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them: that they are damaged in some way, or not good enough, or wish that they were more like somebody else, or that they deserve to suffer because of the way that they are.
One common thread among my clients is that their low self-esteem can be traced back to childhood-- to a time when their self-worth was undermined by another person or group's words or actions. Children are vulnerable and often impacted by influential or critical voices (such as a parent, peer or teacher). Whether or not the criticism was overt or subtle — or was actually a misinterpretation — these voices can become internalized and play like a recording over and over again. Eventually, these voices can solidify into more concrete beliefs, gaining traction over time, embedding themselves into a person's core identity and psyche, and traveling with them through adulthood. Left unchallenged, these voices can become omnipotent and corrosive: running negative, self-defeating scripts over and over again -- impeding my clients from feeling at peace in their lives and moving towards authenticity and their potential.
When I read articles about self-esteem, it is often linked to pubescent teenage girls or middle-aged women struggling with body image issues. While these are certainly examples, this narrow focus is limiting. In reality, self-esteem issues are present across all demographics -- culture, race, gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomics. It is not simply a women's issue. Oftentimes, self-esteem is at the root of high-risk behaviors, such as various types of addictions, suicidal thoughts, self-harming behaviors, and abusive relationships. However, it also impacts people in more subtle ways in their daily lives, as they try to go about their business, but struggle internally. People find ways to cope with their pain and do the best that they can in their circumstances.
Some people may seek external validation from others in order to feel better (e.g. compliments, approval, romantic relationships)--because they struggle to accept themselves just as they are. This does not work in the long-term because it is disempowering: their self-worth hinges upon others' actions and beliefs. People will use alcohol, drugs, or risky behaviors to escape or quiet negative beliefs about self. These methods are ineffective (as well as dangerous) because they are temporary "fixes" and do not address the deeper issues.
If you would like to feel better about yourself and more confident in who you are, you can start a practice to support these goals. However, as you will be addressing deep-seated feelings and beliefs, it will take some time and commitment. Here are some ways to start:
Identify what makes you feel good about yourself: your unique strengths, hobbies, and support system. Create a personalized list and be sure to refer to it often. As an art therapist, I invite my clients to create an identity collage or vision board, which can act as a daily reminder of who you are, what you stand for, and what is important to you --which can help to boost your sense of self.
Notice when your inner critic takes over. Be curious, but try to detach from it. It is not you. Counter this voice with a compassionate reframe. For example: "There is something wrong with me" might become "I can be hard on myself, but it is important to remember that I am a good person and there is nothing wrong with me." This practice will start to chip away at your negative self-talk so that it no longer carries so much weight.
Carry around an object, photo, quotation, or letter, which reminds you of your self-worth in some way. If you know you are about to enter a vulnerable situation, take a moment with this special object beforehand, to bolster your confidence.
Remember that you are not alone! Join a support group with like-minded people or talk to someone (it could be a friend, family or community member, or professional)-- the key is finding support in which you feel listened to, respected, and understood.
Language is powerful. Write your own story and share it with others. Out of vulnerability comes strength.
For more on self-esteem, I was interviewed for this article on PsychCentral:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-you-feel-absolutely-awful-about-yourself-regularly/
Clearing Out Mental Cobwebs
It all begins with an idea.
Spring is a good time for pausing and reflecting upon how you are doing. Here are some questions worth exploring:
• Are you stuck in any negative emotional cycles? (e.g. angering quickly, feeling hopeless, blaming others, constantly worrying)?
• Have any unhealthy thought patterns developed? (e.g. are you being overly-critical of yourself...or of others or do you tend to be cynical about situations)?
• Are your relationships healthy or could they use some attention?
• Are you adequately taking care of yourself and meeting your needs to the best of your ability?
If you are not feeling balanced in some way, it can be helpful to get out your tool kit and do some "spring-cleaning." Instead of brushing the dust underneath the rug, instead, try taking some time to take it outside, air it out, shake it out, clean it, and then return it to its place. When you take time to examine how you are going about your everyday life, there is a real opportunity to take responsibility, make different choices, and create conscious change.
You can learn to catch yourself in the moment--whether it is a particular way of thinking or of responding to a situation--and recognize when a pattern is not serving you. With this awareness, you can start to breathe light into old patterns and "stuck" energies: you can learn to soften, bring self-compassion or compassion towards others, connect with a moment of gratitude, see the bigger picture, and attend to your relationships in a meaningful way. Self-reflection and interrupting unhealthy patterns by bringing conscious awareness can empower you and give you hope regardless of life circumstances. Springtime is nature's inspiring reminder that change is possible.
The Resilience Factor
I believe that most of us have a story (or two, three or more) about a time in our lives that was a struggle in some respect or an obstacle that we had to overcome. There is no denying that life is full of challenges. And it is normal to respond to adversity with intense, often mixed, emotions. But after that initial gut reaction, what do you do next? Do you mope, take out your frustration on somebody else, blame your partner, or try to forget about it? Many of us do these things, some of which are unhealthy and not very constructive. By doing so, we hand power over to the obstacle and diminish our own sense of control.
When we feel stressed out, confused or upset, and we overly-identify with our emotions, we become vulnerable. Emotions can cloud our judgment, making it difficult to think clearly. As humans, we have the ability to balance emotion and reason; this "sweet spot" has been dubbed "Wise Mind" by Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). When we tap into this place within ourselves, we may feel centered and peaceful because we are not, as the saying goes, getting "carried away by our emotions." Wise Mind can be a powerful tool to help us cope with circumstances that are outside of our control; it can support our resilience by restoring our sense of equilibrium. For more on Wise Mind, please click here.
Each one of my clients has a unique story. Some of my clients come from broken homes, suffered great losses, struggled with addiction, survived traumatic events, wrestled with questions of identity and self-worth, or struggled to stay afloat when faced with so many demands in their lives. Some of them lost segments of their childhood and innocence or were forced to abandon their dreams for a time due to various circumstances. Throughout my work as a therapist, I have been inspired by my clients' resilience; by their ability to not just survive, but to persevere, grow and even succeed despite great difficulties and challenges.
While resilience may be easier to identify in more extreme cases, it is important to acknowledge its influence on a smaller scale. You do not have to face extreme life circumstances in order to exercise resilience. For example, it is present in your everyday ability to spring back from setbacks and frustrations. I would argue that we all possess some degree of psychological resilience--even if we struggle to access it at times.
By assuming responsibility for the way in which we experience our lives, we reclaim our capacities for choice and decision-making. This means that, even when faced with adversity, we do not give up or resort to negative actions, but we use this as a springboard to rise above the situation and elicit greater hope for the future. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor/ psychiatrist/writer, credits his ability to survive the dismal conditions of a concentration camp to his ability to mentally reframe the situation so that, rather than focus on the bleakness of the situation and his status as a prisoner, he focused on preserving his spiritual freedom, exercising the small choices that he was able to, uplifting others' spirits, while preserving human dignity. As anyone would agree, this was no small feat. And we can learn through others' stories about the way in which we wish to live our own lives.
Despite the odds, some of my clients managed to graduate from high school (as the first generation in their families), to take artistic risks, to redefine themselves and their roles, to not give up on their careers even if it meant changing direction or ignoring what others around them were saying. Again and again, my clients have picked themselves up off the ground and not given up on life. I am not saying that the road was easy and that they did not struggle at times. Much of what it came down to for them was reevaluating the core beliefs and assumptions that they held about themselves. During hard times, they often felt small, struggled with turbulent emotions, or questioned their abilities. By trying to shift their perspectives or reframe their situations, they were eventually able to experience reconnection, self-love, and relocate their strength and "sparkle."
How you view your situation, as Frankl suggests, is really what makes the difference. Do you view it as an insurmountable obstacle and grow rageful, hopeless, anxious, or depressed? If so, you may find yourself caught up in the mind's emotional web and feel hopeless about your situation. By giving yourself some time and space so that your mind can "refresh," by taking some deep breaths or going for a walk, you are flexing your resilience muscle. You might even feel a sense of empowerment or gain spiritual clarity.
In The Artist's Way, a book filled with valuable life lessons that apply to more than artists, Julia Cameron writes about "gain disguised as loss" and encourages us to ask ourselves: "How can this loss serve me?" when we feel defeated. She shares: "The trick is to metabolize pain as energy. The key to doing that is to know, to trust, and to act as if a silver lining exists if you are only willing to look at the [world] differently or to walk through a different door."
Rather than spend your whole life pointing your finger in another direction, or shutting down, or exploding with anger or resentment, there exists a real possibility to both be at peace with yourself as well as to feel a sense of agency in the world around you. The trick lies in perspective-shifting and the story that you create about your life and choose to tell yourself and others. At any time, you can re-author your story and your experience of the world (even if the outcome remains the same). As humans, we are not fixed, we are flexible. We change and update and regress and progress and reinvent ourselves all of the time! Whatever your obstacle is--be it large or small--you have all that you need to turn it around and see things with fresh eyes. There are many different healthy ways to do this: some people connect with others who inspire them, some find comfort in spirituality, some express themselves creatively, some travel, some push themselves through intense physical experiences (e.g. mountaineering or marathons), and yes, some find support by talking to a therapist or counselor. You have a right to access and know the incredible resilience that is your own--and that connects us with one another. As Cameron suggests, instead of asking yourself the question: "Why me?" try asking: "what next?"
Sources Cited
Cameron, Julia. (1992). The Artist's Way. New York: Tarcher/Penguin.
Frankl, Viktor E. (1959). Man's Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.
Wise Mind: Experiencing Intuition & Integration. Retrieved in 2016 from http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/wise_mind.pdf